I wish I could describe how I am feeling.  It's weird.  PHYSICALLY I feel old and creaky.  My body hurts.  I'm not balanced.  I feel like I'm growing out of my skin - like the fat doesn't know where to go.  I look at my face and I want my skinny face back.  I went for a walk and ran a little today.  It felt sooo good to have my body moving and air moving in my mouth and nose.  It's weird but I noticed the air temp and the smells around me.
This has affected me MENTALLY too.  I haven't had an "out" for so long.  No mental relief.  Everything just gets stored inside of my head.  Now I have so much crammed in there it's hard to sort everything out.  My confidence level is pretty dang low.  It's funny what saying no to sugar and crap can do for you.  It really does BUILD you.  It moves you FORWARD.  It creates a new YOU.  I need that new me back.  I need the confidence.  I need the feeling you get crossing the finish line.  I loved that feeling.  I crave that feeling.  I want the craving to finish to be stronger that the craving for sugar.  I know I can have it again.
Another aspect for me that I can't ignore is my SPIRITUAL fitness.  A habit that I'm also going to work on is praying - morning and night.  I know that this will carry me.  I am going to read my scriptures and study the gospel daily.  Even if it's listening to a conference talk or scriptures.  Anything to feed my spiritual self.
INTERNALLY - How will I FUEL my body?  What way of eating is going to create the best me?  I've been reading a lot about the KETO diet.  I really like what I'm reading.  I've listened to a few hours of podcasts.  It makes sense.  It clicks to me.  When I eat this way I feel good.  I don't feel bloated.  I don't feel gassy.  My stomach doesn't hurt.  My mind is clear.

I know that if I record my feelings daily it will keep me on track.  I just need to keep myself accountable.    I will write more later as I figure out how to get me moving and eating right.  I have to do it.  I don't want to be diabetic.  I don't want to have a heart attack.  I want to move forward.  I want to live.